What is the hottest microorganism? You’ve puzzled over this question, perhaps you’ve spent sleepless nights with various bumpy and lumpy forms running through your mind. The most popular search term has always been “hottest microorganisms”, but why? And more importantly, which one is the hottest? All will be revealed.
Look closer.
The Search for the Hottest
Ever since the discovery of microbes in the 1670s, there has been an endless, raging debate about their respective appearances. The specifics of the debate may have changed, but its nature remains the same – hotness. Hotness is a property of all microbes. There’s a microbe for you, no matter your tastes. It’s because they’re so affecting that microorganisms have been so closely studied. We just can’t get enough of these delicious forms! Some teenagers adorn the walls of their bedrooms with posters of the best microbes. It’s also a well-known fact that, at the point of climax, every guy thinks about his favorite microbe. The best company logos are based on microscopic forms. We all know that the swirls of the Coca-Cola logo are based on flagella, which are common microscopic appendages; and the Target logo is a perfect image of an animal cell, showing the membrane and the nucleus.
What could be more fantastic about microbes than that they are perfect reflections of human sexuality? Therefore, to find the hottest microbe is to find the ultimate solution, the answer to every question about sex and sexuality. Imagine being so sexually intelligent, you’re able to provide the best experience possible for yourself and your partner! You would enhance your sex life beyond what you thought possible.
So, let’s zoom in and explore the various weird and wonderful forms of the microscopic world to discover the hottest thing.
Bacteria
Bacteria, as we all know, are the vanilla microbes. Plenty of people think they’re hot, but they’re by no means the hottest. If you’re willing to go a bit out there, it isn’t hard to find something that wows you a lot more. That said, some bacteria are hotter than the majority. Certain kinds can be a fresh and nice alternative to boring, typical bacteria. Particularly, the bacilli and cocci (with their rod and oval shapes) are very dull, but there exist more exotic forms, like the helical ones – they have a nice, curvy shape. It never hurts to spice things up a little!
hotness Rating
Try harder, bacteria!
Naegleria Fowleri
These guys are pretty damn cool! They’re amoebae that eat bacteria, and if they get deep in your nose, they eat your brain! A lot of people are into the bad boys, and these are exactly that. They’re dangerous. You never know how they’re going to morph next. They’re unpredictable. If you get too close, you’re finished. This gives them the kind of flair that not a lot of microbes have. Gutsy. Brutal. Primal.
This alone places them well above bacteria, but they can also develop these “food-cups”:
Fuck yeah!! Now that’s badass!!! And badass is sexy!
hotness Rating
Eat on, you crazy amoebabes!
Plasmodium
Now what’s this sly thing? Why, it’s plasmodium, the femme fatale of the microscopic world! Its beguiling beauty is clear to see. It’s got much more grace than bacteria – just look at that magnificent curve! You won’t find a curve like that in a human (not a healthy one anyway), and that’s what’s so astonishing about this one. The unassuming, soft, feminine yet commanding form is captivating.
hotness Rating
Keep that up and I’ll be yours forever!
Chlamydia Trachomatis
Now this one is a cheeky fucker. It promises the world but has nothing to give you. It’s a deceiver! Its motives are unknown, and that’s mysterious. You wouldn’t want to date this one, but a fling couldn’t hurt. Who cares if it’s being honest if it’s just one time? Let it in then kick it out. Simple, huh?
Aside from that, it’s a rather uninteresting microbe, so its one selling point doesn’t have much support.
hotness Rating
Grow a spine, be honest!
Candida Albicans
Ooh, nice name! This guy is a tricky one! See, it’s dimorphic. It can exist in both yeast and hyphal forms, and can be prompted to switch between the two with only mild differences in environment. It’s got major mood swings! You’d swear it was Jekyll and Hyde! Some have named this the hottest microbe due to its high versatility. While that is hot, there’s also the main downside of fungi that they tend to just sit there, growing and growing. No one likes a lazy slob!
hotness Rating
Grow some legs, then we’ll talk!
Treponema Denticola
This one loves your mouth. Some would call that hot. Having an irresistible fixation on the inside of people’s mouths is not an uncommon thing among lovers. But is it really the hottest thing? This is one of those helical bacteria mentioned earlier, so bonus points for that.
Hmmmm … no, it’s kind of creepy.
hotness Rating
Get some style, babe!
Borrelia Burgdorferi
This one likes to travel, see the world. That’s a pretty fun quality, don’t you think? Undervalued by most people. You gotta admire someone who’s comfortable wherever they are. But it can also mean a long-distance relationship, which is upsetting. Its love of seeing the world trump its desire to stay with you, so that’s not good. And it likes to hitch rides, too, so you never know who else it’s been having, uh, relations with.
hotness Rating
Take me with you!
Herpes Simplex Virus
Viruses often score higher than bacteria or fungi on microbial hotness polls, and it’s easy to see why. They’re positively infectious – they leave an imprint on you, even if you’re only in contact for a brief time.
This particular virus has a special secret: it’s a real rollercoaster ride! It causes flare-ups followed by periods of calm. Every day’s different with this one. It seems explosive and emotional, but it can also be calm and compassionate. You’ll never forget the time you spend with HSV!
hotness Rating
A solid choice. I’d take you anytime!
Streptococcus Pyogenes
This one’s interesting. It comes in chains; it has many parts to it. It has many faces to show. It has many different effects on people. It’s a bizarre weirdo. There’s surely someone who wants to date it, but the appeal isn’t broad.
hotness Rating
Disconcerting!
Mycobacterium Tuberculosis
This can lay dormant for years before coming out in full force. It’s a patient and resilient one. Those are remarkable qualities! It might seem initially unimpressive, but if you give it some time, it will eventually bloom and show you its true glory!
hotness Rating
Let me get to know you!
The Hottest
Alright, we’ve come to the final entry! Are you ready? It’s the…
Bacteriophage
There is nothing hotter than this. This is the peak of microbial hotness! It’s long, it’s got legs, it works by injecting its DNA into its … partner. It’s the height of virility. It also knows what it wants – it only targets a certain kind of thing, and nothing else! It’s decisive, it’s persistent, it latches onto you. What more could you want?
It’s also a virus – one of the most common. It’s clear to see how successful it is. And success is hot!
hotness Rating
Where’s my phage?!
Trumpism of the Day
“How bad is it when a Candidate running for Office makes a major part of her Campaign that she works at McDonald’s, and it turns out not to be true, but the worst part is the Media refuses to talk about it!” – Truth Social, September 20, 2024 [Link]
How bad is it when a candidate running for office spreads massive disinformation about the 2020 election, and when it turns out not to be true, he does not admit that he was wrong but doubles down, to this day refusing to acknowledge that he lost the 2020 election, but the worst part is he’s allowed to run again! When Trump talks about things that simply aren’t borne out in facts, that’s perfectly okay, but when Kamala Harris does it, that reveals her to be a fraud! The same rules simply don’t apply to Ronald Chump, America’s messiah candidate, do they?
What a joke. How can anyone take this sleazy clown seriously? He’s proven that he’ll bend every single one of the rules once they start to affect him. He’s seeking presidential immunity for his crimes, which he will get if he’s elected. The dark-triad super-rich psychos always get away with things that ordinary people go to prison for. Thanks, Chump, for being such a perfect example of that! Perhaps now, people will start to see what’s going on.
Not the Chump voters, of course – they’re so damn stupid, they’ll probably never know who the real Donald Trump is. They will always worship the false image he projects. It’s up to the disillusioned ones to see the truth.
Those who compare Trump to Jesus should bear in mind what Jesus said in John 8:7 – “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”
Trump does nothing but throw stones. Is there in fact a link between how much someone sins and how many stones they throw? Jesus was without sin and yet he did not throw any! If your sin is proportional to how much you lash out and condemn others then Ronald Chump is sitting on a veritable mountain of sin! No good Christian can support this man.